The effects of praise:
What scientific studies reveal about the right way to praise
kids
© 2008 Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., all rights reserved
Funny thing about praise.
In many cultures—-like China-—praise is rare. People worry
about the effects of praise. That too much praise will inflate the ego...make
people too big for their britches.
This seems to be an ancient concern.
Modern-day hunter-gatherers—-people whose life-ways most
closely resemble those of our ancestors—-are famously intolerant of big egos.
It used to be that way in the West, too. But today things
are different. Westerners praise each other all the time. And Western parents
praise their kids all the time.
Why? Because we think that praise is going to make our kids
better—more motivated, more confident, more inclined to tackle challenges.
But does it really work that way?
Well, yes. Praise can be a powerful form of encouragement.
For instance, moms who praise their preschoolers for their good manners have
kids with better social skills (Garner 2006; Hastings et al 2007).
But in some cases, praise can actually undermine your
child’s motivation.
What’s the right way to praise kids?
Good answers come from Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Mark
Lepper, psychologists who have analyzed over 30 years of studies on the effects
of praise (Henderlong and Lepper 2002). They determined that praise can be a
powerful motivating force if you follow these guidelines:
• Be sincere and specific with your praise
• Praise kids only for traits they have the power to change
• Use descriptive praise that conveys realistic, attainable
standards
• Be careful about praising kids for achievements that come
easily
• Be careful about praising kids for doing what they already
love to do
• Encourage kids to focus on mastering skills—not on
comparing themselves to others
In addition, it’s important to be sensitive to your child’s
developmental level.
I explain these guidelines—and the evidence supporting
them—in more detail below.
Be sensitive to your child’s developmental level
Very young children thrive on praise
Babies and toddlers benefit from praise that encourages them
to explore on their own. In a study of 24-month old children, researchers
watched how mothers responded to their toddlers while they attempted a
challenging task.
Then, these same families were invited back to the lab a
year later and kids were tested again.
Researchers found that the 36-month old kids who were most
likely to tackle challenges—and to persist at a task—were the ones whose
mothers had praised and encouraged their independence at 24 months (Kelley et
al 2000).
Older kids are more sophisticated and may interpret your
praise in negative ways
Whereas very young children are likely to take your praise
at face value, older kids are a different story. As kids mature, they become
aware of your own possible motives for praising them. If they perceive you to
be insincere, they may dismiss your praise. They may also be sensitive to being
patronized or manipulated (see below).
Be sincere and specific
Insincere praise may harm self-esteem and damage
relationships
Obviously, kids won’t feel very encouraged by praise if you
seem insincere.
But insincere praise isn’t just ineffective. It can be
damaging.
Kids might think you feel sorry for them or that you are
trying to be manipulative. Insincere praise might also send the message that
you don’t really understand your child (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).
Do these problems arise for very young children? Probably
not. But once your child becomes mature enough to question your motives, she
may become sensitive to the effects of insincere praise.
To prevent the appearance of insincerity, avoid frequent,
effusive praise. And avoid praise that is sweeping or general. Kids are more
likely to doubt it.
Praise kids for traits they have the power to change
It might seem that praising your child’s intelligence or
talent would boost his self-esteem and motivate him.
But it turns out that this sort of praise backfires.
Carol Dweck and her colleagues have demonstrated the effect
in a series of experimental studies: When we praise kids for their ability,
kids become more cautious. They avoid challenges.
It’s as if they are afraid to do anything that might make
them fail and lose your high appraisal.
Kids might also get the message that intelligence or talent
is something that people either have or don’t have. This leaves kids feeling
helpless when they make mistakes. What’s the point of trying to improve if your
mistakes indicate that you lack intelligence?
Use descriptive praise that conveys realistic, attainable
standards
Some praise is merely about making a judgment “Good job!”
Other praise provides information about what the recipient did right: “I like
the way you begin your essay by describing the problem and explaining why it’s
important.”
The latter is called descriptive praise, and it is thought
to be more helpful than general praise. When you give a child descriptive
praise, you don’t just tell him he’s doing well. You give him specific
feedback, and you tell him something about your standards.
But there is an important caveat, argue Jennifer Henderlong
Corpus and Mark Lepper (2002). The standards you convey should be reasonable.
If you over-praise a child (e.g. “You’re amazing! I’ve never heard anyone play
the piano better!”), you may send the wrong message. Your child might conclude
that your standards are superhuman. How can he possibly live up to that? Praise
that conveys unrealistically high standards can become a source of pressure,
and make kids feel inadequate.
Beware of praising kids for achievements that come easily
If you praise kids for easy tasks, kids may conclude there
is something wrong: Either you’re too dumb to realize how easy the task is, or
you think the kids are dumb (Meyer 1992).
Such interpretations are unlikely to occur to younger
children. But as kids mature, they become more sophisticated about the social
meaning of praise.
One experiment presented American kids (aged 4 to 12 years)
with a videotaped scenario depicting students at work. The scenario showed two
students solving a problem. Each performed equally well, but only one student
was praised.
The kids who watched the program were asked to judge the
students’ effort and ability.
Kids of all ages agreed that the praised student tried
harder. But the older kids also inferred that the praised student had lower
ability (Barker and Graham 1987).
These reactions might be culturally specific, however. When
a similar experiment was conducted on Chinese students, older subjects did not
conclude that the praised person was inferior in ability (Salili and Hau 1994).
The difference might reflect Chinese attitudes about praise
and intelligence.
In China, praise is rarely given (Salili and Hau 1994). As a
result, people may be less likely to infer that praise is insincere or
patronizing. In addition, Chinese people are more inclined to view intellectual
achievements as a product of effort (Salili and Hau 1994; Stevenson and Lee
1990).
Beware of over-praising kids for doing things they like
anyway
It’s okay to praise kids for doing what they like to do. But
be careful not to go overboard—particularly with older kids. When you praise
kids every time they do something they enjoy, it might actually reduce their
motivation (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).
For example, suppose that Adam loves to eat broccoli. But
every time he eats broccoli, his mom praises him for it. Consciously or
unconsciously, Adam starts to question his motivation. Is he eating broccoli
only for the praise? Adam changes his attitude toward broccoli-eating. It’s a
chore, not a pleasure. If the praise ends, Adam loses interest in eating
broccoli.
Does this sort of thing really happen? It’s been
well-documented in cases where people are given tangible rewards each time they
perform a particular behavior (e.g., giving your child some money each time he
eats broccoli). The feedback appears to re-set a person’s attitude (Lepper and
Henderlong 2000).
There’s less research showing that social rewards—like
praise—can produce the same effect. However, a recent brain study reveals that
social rewards (like praise) and tangible rewards (like money) activate the
same regions of the brain (Izuma et al 2008). And a food-tasting experiment
performed on children found that praise, like tangible rewards, made kids like
a food less (Birch et al 1984).
But the key point seems to be that praise must be given every time,
so that kids expect to be praised for the behavior .
When praise is unexpected or spontaneous, it remains a
powerful motivating force.
So this doesn’t mean we can’t—or shouldn’t—praise our
children for good behavior or a job well done. But suggests we should be
cautious about overriding our kids’ natural sources of motivation.
Avoid praise that compares your child to others
At first blush, it might seem like a good idea to praise
kids for out-performing their peers. After all, research has shown that such
social-comparison praise enhances a child’s motivation and enjoyment of a task
(see review in Henderlong and Lepper 2002).
But there are at least two big problems with
social-comparison praise.
Problem One: Social-comparison praise is only motivating as
long as kids continue to finish first.
If their competitive edge slips, kids are likely to lose
motivation.
In essence, kids who are accustomed to social-comparison
praise become poor losers.
Consider this experiment on American 4th and 5th graders
(Corpus et al 2006). Kids were given a set of puzzles to complete and received
either
• social-comparison praise
• mastery praise (i.e., comments about how the child had
mastered the task)
OR
• no praise at all
Next, kids completed a second task. This time they were left
without clear feedback about how they’d done.
How did this uncertainty affect each child’s motivation?
It depended on what kind of praise kids had received
earlier. Those who had received social comparison praise suffered a loss of
motivation. But kids who had received mastery praise showed enhanced
motivation.
In other words, a history of social-comparison praise
backfires the minute kids stop hearing that they’ve outperformed their peers.
Problem Two: Social-comparison praise teaches kids that
competitive standing, not mastery, is the goal.
When kids decide that the goal is to outperform other kids,
they lack intrinsic motivation for a task. Work is only interesting insofar as
it permits them to show that they are the best.
Even worse, these kids are so wrapped up in maintaining
their competitive standing that they avoid challenges and opportunities to
learn. Why tackle something new and risk failure? Social-comparison praise
doesn’t prepare kids for coping with failure. Instead of trying to learn from
their mistakes, these kids respond by feeling helpless (Elliot and Dweck 1988).
Another one bites the dust. I just happen to stumble upon the
tidbit revealing Graham Cooke embracing the cheap grace doctrine, discounting
Gods Judgments for today. I mean, I knew this before because Graham came to me
in a dream in 2008 and showed me he had embraced the false doctrines of the
shepherding movement, which is now the Vineyard theology. This Facebook post
was kind of a reminder. Don’t get me wrong I always loved Graham Cooke’s
speaking and have seen him many times over the years but it seems no one is
impervious to this delusion. Its seems there is no healthy fear of God anymore.
